A lover or a friend
by Stadakona
Summary: "To love is to let go" Long ago, her father taught her that. She was glad then, because those words where the key of her freedom. But, when the time comes for Hungary to do the same, will she be able, or will she fight to gain the life she dream of…? Is there still something to fight for…? PruAus, One-sided AusHun. One shot. Rated T for language.


** What the hell have I just wrote? Oo  
Yeah, okay, it's a PruAus fic, that I know. Also, it's quite simple, no weird thing happening in it, so that not why I have this reaction. The thing is... I HATE PRUAUS! **

**Now, don't get me wrong people, I don't hate people who love PruAus, I have no problem at all with that. I don't want to be like all those people who are all "You don't like my paring? YOU SHOULD DIE! You like that pairing? YOU SHOULD BURN IN HELL!" That is stupid...  
In fact, ****_hate_**** is a bit of a big word. What I should say is dislike. I dislike PruAus.**

**But, that is not important for the moment. Just keep in mind that this is not a pairing I would normally write about, and, also, this story is outside of my headcanon (which means, no it's not incest, in THIS story, I didn't made Prussia and Austria brothers). **

**So, if I dislike this pairing, why did I do that? Well, that's what happen when I listen to a song and just CAN'T stop thinking of a story. So, yeah, you got it right, this is an other ****_Sing Along Fanfic_****~ aka Songfic.  
I also have to thank the Prussia and the Austria with whom I role-played and that gave me the last bit of inspiration I needed to finish this *cough*treeweekslater*cough* If they read this, they will recognize themselves.**

**By the way, it's not THAT angsty... it's just that I couldn't thought of another category...**

**So, that's it, enjoy. **

* * *

The house was quiet, not that she was not used to it by now. Ever since she left Russia's house, she had lived by herself, not that she complained; anything was better than living in this wannabe familial house… To make up for the loneliness, she was sometime visited by Prussia or Italy, was sometime visiting Poland or… Austria… The latter was her favorite one to pass time with, with his calm composure and good manners. _WAS_ being the key word, now it only felt awkward…

She was thinking about that while cleaning her house. She could have employed a maid like a lot of her fellow nations did, but after living in so many empire and working as a maid herself in their houses, she felt like a good cleaning could only be made by herself. It was not like her house had been a mansion anyway; it was small and simple, in the countryside of Budapest, with just enough rooms for her and her occasional visitors. She had gotten used to clean way bigger houses and it was occupying her mind… Well, until she got to the living room.

It was where her piano was, imposing in his ebony and ivory suit. Unlike most of her colleagues, who had learned how to play more than a few instruments in their long lives, Hungary had only learn how to play tree instruments in her life: the drum she played as a barbarian tribe, like much of her fellows had learned to in their own tribal epoch; the Cimbalom, her favorite, of course, since SHE had popularized the instrument after her life with the Ottomans; and the piano, she had been forced to learn while living with her ex-husband. Even though he _appreciated _the sound of the Cimbalom, he had insisted that a well-educated lady had to now at least one classical instrument and that most nations already knew how to play piano. It would not be bad for her to learn too.

Most people thought that she had quitted when she left Austria, probably glad not to be forced to play anymore… very few knew that she had kept improving, for her own contentment, but also to impress Austria. "Mostly for him…" she thought as she sat on the black wooden bench and let her finger wander on the keys, smiling lightly when she realized what her mind had unconsciously chosen for her to play…

-._.-._.-._.-

_I don't wanna talk  
About things we've gone through_

She had not wanted to get married in the beginning. Hell, she had even fought _literally _with Austria not to be tied _again_ to an empire. Yet, in the end she had lost and they ended up in front of the aisle, slipping gold bands on each other's fingers while neither of them really wanted to.

The whole thing had been experimental; they had lived with each other for a long time, but never as spouses. They had slept for centuries in the same house, but never the same bed, like their bosses forced them to do since the very first night of their spouses' life, persuaded that this kind of… activities… could only help reinforce the alliance. While it was weird, she had ended up liking this life; after all, even though she hadn't had any control on how it happened, she had ended up with the nation she had had an infatuation on for quite some centuries. She was pretty sure he was glad too and life was good.

Then, the World War started… and he didn't do a single thing to stop their divorce.

_Though it's hurting me  
Now it's history_

She had been wounded by his attitude and had felt hollow for a long time after they had been separated. The house was no longer filled with the sound of a harmonic piano and the scent of coffee and fresh pastries. Her nights were cold no matter how much covers, sheets and cushions she pilled in her bed to fill the void. Strolling had becomes borings with no one to talk with or hold the arm of while walking in the vast garden of the manor she had "inherited" after becoming an independent nation again. She no longer took walks and moved.

But, she didn't let herself languish in sadness like some girls in a sappy love novel. She took her pride and used it to get over it. Being divorced didn't mean being dead. It meant being free. She was free of conquering her love like _she _planned.

_I've played all my cards  
And that's what you've done too_

Even though they had their problems, either they have been economic or politic, she had made it a personal priority to help and pass time with her Roderich. Not only could she see her friend, she could also escape the new regime that had been established by her bosses and the tiring attempt of King Charles to get is throne back. Not that she was an irresponsible country, absolutely not, it was just that, even if she had wanted to change things, as a country representation, and even more as a woman, she had little to no power against her bosses' choices…

It had been hard to talk with Austria in the beginning, with France and England breathing down their neck every time they so much as greeted one another in the meetings. After the Great Depression however, their two chaperons had had too much to deal with in their countries to bother with her little seduction attempts. Most of the time, when he himself was not too busy, Austria seemed to appreciate her visits and was always willing to visit her in return when her kingdom was not to frantic, but, no matter what, he never seemed to pick on her flirting, always acting like a good friend, never like a potential lover.

She had tried everything, had attempted to talk about the divorce, get him to state is thought about the matter; he never said a thing, only humming along when asked if he agreed with what she said. She had showed him her progress at the piano; he always corrected or praised her politely. She had dressed herself with the finest dress from Paris and London to act likes the High Society lady he had trained her into being; he complimented her politely and offered her another coffee like a good host. She even took his defense against her best friend, and rival, Prussia and that even when she found his prank amusing… but it did nothing to help her attract his affection, only his gratefullness…

And, sadly, slowly but surely, the madness of the fascism in which her bosses had plunged her gained her own personal mind and she forgot all about her love, only thinking about gain, power and purity of an made up race to which she didn't even belong.

_Nothing more to say  
No more ace to play_

In the end, she realized in her few precious moment of lucidity, that he was disgusted with what she had become, this semi-dictatorial kingdom with only a regent as a king. In the end, she realised that he wasn't trying to get back with her, because why would he have made an effort to gain something he didn't want in the end…

_The winner takes it all  
The loser's standing small_

When Germany started this madness that would end in the Second World War, she had joined him shamelessly, lured by the promises of recuperating all the land she had lost after the First World War, but, most of all, blinded by her bosses foolishness. That had been in 1930 and nothing could have told her of what would be happening later. Even though Austria did attempt to warn her many times…

When she had realised where all this was going, it had been like a wakeup call and she started to assist England and America in their attempt to stop the Fascist madness. It was her own attempt at correcting her errors. Her secret assistance to Allies was, of course, not well received when discovered by her long time frienemy Prussia and, after a nightmarish night with Germany to be recalled to whom she belonged, she was sent to Auschwitz where she joined the other conquests of the Second Reich. It was there that she learned that her country was now also participating in the Holocaust…

Luckily for her, she stayed there only a few months. Unfortunately, she was immediately sent to Russia, along with most of her camp comrades and a newly dissolute Prussia. This glimpse of Austria she got at the treaty signature, face expression set half in jest, half in earnest, was the last she saw of him for the nearly 40 next years and she then realised that, yes, indeed, her divorce and the whole Versailles Treaty had signed the end of her dream life with Austria…

_Beside the victory  
That's her destiny_

_-._.-._.-._.-_

_I was in your arms  
Thinking I belonged there_

She doesn't recall when exactly she came back in her country for good. She was barely conscious when it happened, weakened by starvation, beating and the simple fact of having been conquered and submitted for so long.

She do recall, though, whom worried face she first saw when she woke up, relived lilac eyes smiling at her tired fresh grass ones. She recall soft hands taking care of her bandages and feeding her when she was too weak, calm words reassure her, unsuspected strong arms holding her when she fell, whether was it only on the floor when awake, or in a dark pit of hell when asleep.

She recalls breaking down for the first time since she could recall in the embrace or Austria…

_I figured it made sense  
Building me a fence_

With his help, she, as a person, rebuilt herself. She fought her fears by listening to him while he recalled her how strong and brave she was, in the past and still now. She learned to laugh again when he embarrassed himself and smiled, showing her she could make fun of him without being beaten.

He bought her clothes so she wouldn't have to wear her servant uniform anymore. He brought her news of her misfortune friends, never comrades, never again after this. She learned, pleased, that Poland and Lithuania were getting through this together, the Baltic Brothers also helping each other. The little Latvia had made a friend with England's younger brother, a certain Sealand. Ukraine was already fighting to impose her culture back in her country, getting back on her brother for the years of assimilation. And Belarus… well Belarus was probably the only one devastated more by the actual situation that their slave lives…

And, Prussia, her dear friend Prussia, was alive, with his brother, and that alone gave her the will to get better. If he could after what he had been through, she certainly could too. Even more with the help of her love…

For her love…

_Building me a home  
Thinking I'd be strong there_

Her life with Austria seemed exactly like the one she had had before their divorce, if not for the fact that _he_ was the muscles of the house this time.

She pleased herself in thinking that life could be like at this epoch, if she only could convince him that she was not suffering from some post-traumatic-affection-shit or something like that like he tough, but truly willing to be with him, sleep with him, _live_ with him. She talked about her dream of a house, for them, near their border, or, even better, _on it_. So no one would be more in right because of the country they lived in.

She was planning all this perfect little life, ignoring the fact that some rules where no longer effectives and some rights had been given that broke her dream before it even came true. And now, only she was still playing with these rules…

_But I was a fool  
Playing by the rules_

_-._.-._.-._.-_

_The gods may throw a dice  
Their minds as cold as ice_

Since the very beginning, it at been the gods… It at been the gods will that she never received love from the one she cherished. Because the gods had made her love, her everything…

_Gay._

The only thing she couldn't give him was the first thing he was looking for: Men. How ironic for the girl who had though for so long that she was a boy, how so very, madly, _fucking ironic_.

She felt like screaming when she found out, she almost did, but she didn't, because she loved him. He was everything she had left. Her father was dead; her brothers were whether too insane or too afraid to recognize her; her mother, a mere mortal, was a woman she had never knew before her death. Her only 'family' was Austria and it was because he knew that that he stayed with her whether than joining _his_ love in Germany.

When she realized that, she kept her mouth shut and kept her sadness to herself. What could she do anyway; as much as she would have wanted too, she wasn't a man… She knew that, for her friends, _only friends_, sake, she would have to accept the fact that one of them would have to sacrifice a perfect love dream…

_And someone way down here  
Loses someone dear_

And it was neither one of her friend…

-._.-._.-._.-

_The winner takes it all_

_The loser has to fall_

She had learn as a kid what the simple rules of life where: each fight ended with a loser and a winner. It was simple, it was set, it was indisputable. She had fought often against Prussia, over power, over lands, over stupidities and over Austria. She had won every single ones of their fights… except two. That one during World War two…

And this fight over the love of their lives…

Some pity of a fight in which, since the beginning, she had lost and fought only herself, only her condition. She was nothing more than a pathetic Turul, not even a real bird, unable forever to reach the sky and attract the attention of the black eagle she craved for and that pitied her too much to tell her that it was in vain that she was trying and finish her off. Black eagles were meant to go with black eagles, not imaginary birds. Not even real… It was simply a fantasy, a pipe dream, just like Austria's love for her.

She had lose. Lose, lose, lose… and the rules were simple. A loser, a winner. She knew her place, she had to take it.

_It's simple and it's plain  
Why should I complain?_

_-._.-._.-._.-_

_But tell me does she kiss  
Like I used to kiss you?_

Months had passed, months during which she waited patiently for them to tell her that they were seeing each other. Yet, for months, they kept silent. And she did too.

They kept silent, but they weren't subtle at all, even though they tried. They often disappeared in a separate room then where she was for a few minutes, always finding good excuse to do so. At first, she didn't mind, after all, Austria was has bitter has ever with Prussia, who was an arrogant egocentric bossy little idiot, as per usual. However, she did notice that Prussia seemed more enthusiastic around her love and had some sort of glow in his eyes. Not only that, but, a few months ago, Austria ceased calling her when he was visited by the Ex-Nation. At first, she taught he only decided to become less dependent of her fighting capacity; but she then realised, maybe it was something else…

That's when she heard them for the first time.

It was discrete; a ghost of a sound, so much that she first assumed it was her mind playing trick on her. Yet, no, it was clearly there, the subtle, little "_smooch_" from a sweet kiss exchanged while passing by your lover. Something that she had ever had with Austria, yet that she knew a lot of lover shared. Something they never were close enough too share.

She felt sick to the stomach thinking about it. It couldn't be real, couldn't last. It was just a phase; he needed to try something new, needed to see if really he was gay. He needed, It was… Surely it was not as good as what _she_ could have offered him.

No… No it wasn't. It assuredly wasn't. Because the glow in Austria's eyes was so vibrant when Prussia called him by his name, and persisted even when he was called by his stupid nickname, like it was all some kind of sweet jokes shared by an old couple.

No, it wasn't as good as what she could offer. It was much more better.

It was _wanted…_

_Does it feel the same  
When she calls your name?_

And so, after each visit, she hugged them, clinging a bit more, a bit stronger to Austria, longing for the warmth of his arm and for the love he gave her best friend instead of her.

She often wondered if he realized it…

_Somewhere deep inside  
You must know I miss you_

Not that she would have told him. She promised never to make them know that they had taken her dream life and left her with nothing but a fogged, self-built window to look at it from afar.

_But what can I say?_

The rule was simple. Her father had taught it to her.

_To love is to let go_

No matter what, she couldn't do anything against what was happening. She could react, could voice her opinion. Because, no matter how she felt, the _number one_ rule was…

_Rules must be obeyed_

_-._.-._.-._.-_

_The judges will decide  
The likes of me abide_

The choice was not hers to make, it was not _her_ life, it was theirs. Her role was established, she was the awkward third wheel, the friend that tagged along and didn't know a thing.

The one who looked while everyone lived…

_Spectators of the show  
Always staying low_

But she wanted them to tell her. She was sick of acting like she didn't know a thing. She wanted them to admit, she wanted to confront. She wanted to scream, cry and trash and for them to hear, see and feel.

Feel what exactly, she didn't know, but just something else than this sickly sweet love they swam in would be good for her. Something bitter, something harsh, something more like reality. More like her life.

She wanted them to admit so she could finally stop playing her stupid part of the charade. So she could scream to the world how much of a fool she had been to fall in love with a men loving man, to never saw it coming before she was hit in the face by the force of that revelation. To scream at Prussia because he knew she loved him and he still stole him. To scream at Austria because he never told her and he left her to make anything and everything to get him back. To scream just for the sake of screaming because _God _how good it would be to.

But what good would it have brought. It wouldn't have changed a thing. Not a damn thing. He would remain the friend she never wanted…

And the lover she never had…

_The game is on again  
A lover or a friend_

Was it big enough of a thing to risk their friendship over her foolishness? To lose them? To lose her only family? For her only to what? Trash, scream and cry like a madwoman who finally lost it while, in the end, she hadn't lost anything. Her life was the same, simply not what she hoped it would change for. Her friends where still there, only together, but that didn't change who they where or how they were with her. She still had all her mind, as fucked up as it was. She had her country, her culture, her politic and her independance. And, she didn't have Austria heart, but she never lost it…

You can't lose what you never had…

_A big thing or a small_

So, no, it was not big enough. So, she shut her mouth and accepted her defeat.

_The winner takes it all_

-._.-._.-._.-

_I don't wanna talk  
If it makes you feel sad_

It was a few more weeks later that they admitted going out together after she showed them some of the evidence she got. She used that moment to tell them how angry she was at them for hiding it, but nothing more.

She didn't want them to feel bad and she kept her smile, as sad as it was, on. She was glad for them, and that was not a lie. They were her best friends and they were happy, so happy she was too.

Still, Prussia managed to read through her small pleased smile and rushed departure and hurried after her. When he finally got hold of her, his face was shining with streak after streak of tears. He told her he was sorry, told her how bad he felt since he knew how much she loved Austria. In response, she smiled, hugging him tight against her, telling him not to care about her. Wiping his tears, she told him to be happy. To go dance around and annoy every one and anyone with his happiness like he usually do…

Because, that's what she would have done in his place.

_And I understand  
You've come to shake my hand_

_I apologize  
If it makes you feel bad_

She felt sorry for poisoning their happy life with her own sadness. In truth, she felt awful. She had lost; she should have shut her mouth and bow before the winners. Instead, she had stayed in their way, not accepting to give up until the very end.

Now, she had to repair her mistakes.

So she told Prussia to smile, told him she was alright, told him she was happy and made sure he never saw her tears and she never show how strained her smile was unless he was not facing her. And, in the end, she managed to make them believe it.

They didn't need to know that she felt like she had lost her only chance to find love. They were, after all, the only two who had took the time the live by her side long enough to see she was not just a crazy warrior fool, uncultured woman, yaoi creepy pervert. Even her own brother thought that of her now. Who would take the time to decipher her now? Who would be courageous enough to approach the Pan Madwoman?

_Seeing me so tense  
No self-confidence_

Yeah, in the end, she lost her chance to have her perfect life…

_But you see  
The winner takes it all_

_-._.-._.-._.-_

Her father had thought her that rule when she asked why he so easily, him, the great Hun Empire, let her go when she asked to.

_To love is to let go _

It was the hardest thing you would ever have to do, but it was the greatest too. So, she did just that, she loved Austria so much, that she let him go.

Oh, she could have fought, and scream, and trash and cry, but what would it have changed? Who would have cared anyway, it was not her life that was affected?

So, she did cry, because she couldn't stop herself, but who cared? Who should have cared? Certainly not her, because it was not her life.

So she smiled too…

_The winner takes it all..._

* * *

**Well... that is it... Good? Bad? Chaotic Evil (ok, sorry, DnD player coming out...)**

Anyway, leave you review because it would make me happy~ Also, if you have questions ask them, I'll answer.

**...**

**Now, I'm going to work on my main projects... and on the hundred of Ausgary and Prucan I'll need to purge myself of this XD**


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